Don't Just Make a Resolution, Take Action!

[caption id="attachment_2971" align="aligncenter" width="595"] Photo Credit: http://en.paperblog.com[/caption]

New Year's resolutions. Everyone makes them, but this New Year focus acting out your resolutions rather than simply stating or writing them down and never looking at them again.

We are in the business of love, so we are going to give you ways to make successful resolutions for your love life. Rather than saying "My New Year's resolution is to find love," make your resolution for 2014 being committed to doing a co-ed activity. Many singles need to work on themselves more, before they are ready to for love. That should be your focus. See our resolution ideas below.

Be more confident this year: This one is easier said than done, but that is why you are going to focus on certain acts that build your confidence. For instance, walking around in a really nice suit may do the trick for a man. Who cares if you have no where to go, if a suit is what you need to hold your head a little higher and put a little more pep in your step so be it.

For women make-up or heels may be your confidence booster. Get your make-up routine down so that you can throw it on at the spur of the moment. Not feeling pretty enough should never be an excuse to walk around feeling shy or for refusing to make eye contact with a hunk. The same goes for the heels. Don't walk around in flats, if you aren't going to feel your best.

These suggestions may seem silly or simple, but try it out. Make sure you feel like you are putting your best self forward every day and your confidence will go up. The trick is figuring out what makes you feel your best. Experiment with different clothing and hairstyles to know what works for you. If weight is the issue, join a gym. Make an effort to walk a mile a day, until that's easy then add a mile, then another and another. Sedentary people will see great results, resulting in more confidence!

Learn how to attract better people this year: This goes along with joining the gym and dressing the part. If you feel like you have been attracting more zeros than heroes lately, assess what it is you are not doing. Do you know someone who is similar to you, but getting different attention in the dating world? Go out with them and watch them. Is there a certain look they give? Are they more flirty than you? What about their posture? Body language gives important cues.

You don't have to completely change who you are but tweaking your mannerisms and the way you carry yourself ever so slightly could make a big change. Practice makes perfect so incorporate changes slowly and see what kind of results you get. We would suggests incorporating a soft touch into your flirting.  For both men and women, a soft touch to the arm saying excuse me with a smile will work. Men, hold her gaze and say hello, if she doesn't quickly look away. Women, hold his gaze with a flirty smile. If he is interested, he will say, "Hi." From there it's up to you to ask his name and get a conversation rolling. Be sure not to force it. A conversation should bounce back and forth.

This tip will likely help women a great deal, because only waiting for men to approach you all the time will almost surely bring out the duds, who have nothing to lose. The good guys get nervous. They know they are good or at least okay and they don't want to get their feelings hurt anymore than you do. Give them a hint you're interested.

No settling this year: Who has the time to settle? Relationships and marriage are hard. Don't settle for someone mediocre. Come up with a list of traits you didn't like about your ex's and do not spend more than a month figuring out if your new sweeties possess them or not. You only have one life to live. Weed out the rift raft quickly! Make this your resolution and the quality of your relationships should go up significantly this year.

Be more positive this year: Have you ever heard the saying, "You can't live a positive life with a negative mind?" No one wants to be around someone who is always negative. Learn how to be positive this year and positivity will find you. Positivity changes your perspective for the better and can greatly improve your chances of finding love. If you are an arguer by nature, learn how to let small things go. Is it worth ending a relationship because he doesn't take out the trash or because she doesn't like washing dishes? Relationships are about compromise. Positivity will allow you to find happy medians when you and your sweetie have different views.

Those are our suggestions for your New Year's resolutions. Hopefully, they will help some of you find and keep love.

Until next year, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight

"I Want to Date Younger" - Bat in Your League

[caption id="attachment_2962" align="aligncenter" width="595"] This is a fitness transformation photo (no relation to dating younger), but which version of him do you think a younger woman would prefer?
Photo credit: lifelevel10.extremebodyshaping.com[/caption]

Lots of men want to date younger women. They spend a majority of their younger years building wealth and becoming successful, then one day it hits them that they have no family to share all they have accomplished with. This happens to women as well, but less often due to their biological clocks. Usually, women who were busy in their younger years want a family at 40, while men suddenly want one in their 50s. This causes men to desire much younger women because women their age are done having children.

Today we are going to give men looking to date younger a few tips. If you are a really attractive older man with a killer personality who wants children, you could possibly date a woman 20 or more years your junior successfully. If you are an older man who wants to date younger, but you look like a traditional grandparent it will be much more difficult. This doesn't mean there is nothing you can do to make yourself more appealing to younger women.

Style is a BIG part of dating younger. If you dress like a grandfather, all she will see when she looks at you is her dear grandpa not a sexy man. There's nothing wrong with dating as a grandpa, but you don't have to look like one. Pick up a GQ magazine or thumb through some men's fashion catalogues for modern style ideas. You've got to compete with the men her age. Join a gym or get a trainer to get you in shape. Also, don't forget to invest in a good hairdresser to cover those grays and bring your hairstyle up to date.

It's all a matter of batting in your league. Brad Pitt is in his 50s and there are 20 somethings who would love to date him! He is fashion forward and in great shape. If Brad were out of shape and dressed like he was stuck in the 80s, the reach of his sex appeal would likely shorten a bit. Not saying you have to look like him, but at least try your best to get in shape and dress the part.

*This advice applies to women looking to date younger as well.

Good luck finding Mrs. Right!

One on One and Eight at Eight

Single Jingle Mingle Recap!

Johnny's Hideaway was overflowing with single Atlantans last night! It was definitely a night to remember as we danced the night away Sinatra style. The ladies of Eight at Eight and One on One were in their usual red dresses, so singles would know who to ask, when they wanted to be introduced to someone.

This was one of the few public events we hold, which added a twist for the matchmakers as they tried to pick up on who would be a good match for each other. With close to 200 singles, introductions were no easy feat, but several connections were made and the team is eagerly waiting to hear how they panned out!

We were excited to see many singles participating in our ugly sweater contest. The participants are below. The ugliest sweater won $100!

[caption id="attachment_2932" align="alignnone" width="595"] Not quite a sweater, but great effort from a handsome gentleman.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2933" align="alignnone" width="595"] Cute ladies![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2934" align="alignnone" width="595"] He actually wore the sweater for fun, but we wanted him to be in the contest.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2931" align="alignnone" width="595"] Runner up and President Sarah Kathryn Smith![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2935" align="alignnone" width="595"] WINNER! This ugly sweater really shined. There was a full gold confetti border and confetti back.[/caption]

If you could not make this fantastic event, we have a few photos for you below.



[caption id="attachment_2941" align="alignnone" width="595"] They were really grooving![/caption]



[caption id="attachment_2954" align="alignnone" width="480"] Get down, get down![/caption]



[caption id="attachment_2937" align="alignnone" width="595"] The end![/caption]

Would you like to attend our next holiday event? We are planning our next holiday party for February, in celebration of Valentine's Day! Like us on Facebook to stay in the loop.

Don't forget Eight at Eight throws weekly dinner parties for singles in Atlanta, DC, Chicago and New York.

Happy Holidays,

Eight at Eight and One on One

How to Have a Not So Lonely Holiday

The winter holidays are coming up quickly. Hanukkah ends today, Christmas is up next, the day after Christmas Kwanzaa begins, then the new year will be here, before you know it!

No matter which holiday you choose to celebrate, singles often suffer feelings of loneliness during the holiday season. Even if you are surrounded by family members, many times they'll make jokes about your singleness or ask when you are going to bring someone home for the holidays. Laugh it off and don't let these things get to you. The main way to have a lonely holiday is by thinking of it constantly. "Another year alone on Christmas..." "Another year without anyone to kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve..." Thoughts like this are not helpful and only making you feel more lonely.

Instead, do things you love to do. If you enjoy the outdoors, bundle up and take a peaceful hike on  a trail you have been meaning to try out. Love movies? Pop some popcorn, grab your favorite movie treats and have a movie night. The movies you choose don't have to relate to a holiday. Pick a few movies you have really been wanting to see, so you can have something to look forward to. Of course, not thinking about your loneliness is easier said than done. The key is to be active or engaged in something that takes your mind off of it. If you have family or friends you can spend time with try to plan activities with them, even if it's just a night of playing boardgames, while  drinking and laughing together.

The holidays are a great time to meet people. Usually, there are several singles mixers and other holiday events that you could attend to meet someone special. Think of the holidays as a time to meet someone, rather than a time to be lonely. Bowling alleys, bars, some retail stores, ice skating rinks, and a few other attractions are open on holidays. There is a lot more to do than mope around at home on the holidays. Get in the holiday spirit and enjoy your free time to do things you enjoy this holiday season.

We came across two insightful articles about surviving the holidays, enjoy!:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/44-tips-for-surviving-christmasthe-holidays-whether-youre-single-in-a-relationship-no-contact-or-broken-hearted/

http://www.askmen.com/money/body_and_mind_100/108_better_living.html

Warm regards,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

How a Second Date Should Differ from Your First

[caption id="attachment_2923" align="aligncenter" width="595"] Photo credit: www.nutritionaldesigns.com[/caption]

You made it through the first date and she accepted your request for a second one. Way to go! Now it's time to figure out if you really have chemistry. First-date chemistry is hardly ever based on much more than physical attraction. On your second date, you both will be more comfortable and more of your true personalities will come through.

DO NOT do a dinner date again. This time do something more active so you can see more personality from your date. Dinner is similar to an interview. You're just covering basic information to make sure you want to see her again. Your second date should help you get to know if her personality fits what you want. For instance, if you are an outdoorsy guy, ask her on a date to do something like fishing or hiking, then have a nice picnic. If a love of outdoors is a trait you really want in your partner, it's better to see it, rather than her telling you she "loves the outdoors."

Taking a class together is always a fun idea, especially if she mentions an interest in something in particular. Pottery classes, cooking classes, and painting classes are all fun  to do together. When going on active dates, you're making memories and learning about each other. Is she impatient with the instructor (uh oh!)? Is she gentle with the clay? Does she put your chopping skills to shame or are you going to need to offer to do the cooking?

What you learn about her will differ based on what activity you choose, but you will still learn much more about your date by doing things with her and seeing her in a state where she doesn't feel confined to generic dinner conversation.  Active dates will allow her to learn about you too, allowing you both to determine if you are a good match.

The weekend is right around the corner. Make this date a fun one!

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

He Treats Me Like We're in a Relationship

[caption id="attachment_2918" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Photo credit: www.womensday.com[/caption]

Is the guy you are dating treating you like you are in a relationship, but does not want to give you the title? There are a few possible reasons for this.

1. He's Not that into You: "Wait, he calls me and takes me out all the time!" That's great, but it's probably because you are always available and he's bored.  Make yourself a little less available and pay attention to how he reacts. If he doesn't use a little effort to speak to you or see you, he was using you to avoid boredom. If he actually tries to work with your "schedule," congratulations! You are more than a time killer. He's into you. If he is still introducing you as a friend months into dating, talk to him about how it makes you feel. Have you two had "the talk" to clarify your relationship? It's time.

2. He Has Commitment Issues: In this case, he likes you, but he is afraid to commit for some reason. To figure out the difference between commitment issues and him not being into you, ask him questions. Don't be whiny about it, but figure out where his head is. If he says something along the lines of, "I like you, but I'm just not ready for a serious relationship," you will need to decide if he is worth waiting for. Be sure to get to the bottom of why he doesn't feel ready. If he is fresh out of a long-term relationship, he may really need time. If he hasn't been in a serious relationship in a while, he may just have commitment issues...red flag!

This is especially a red flag, if he always has an excuse for not wanting a relationship. The worst excuse is "I'm too busy." There has only been one unwed U.S. president. It's safe to assume the presidents were busy trying to get the experience they needed to one day rule the free world, but they still had time to date and find a wife along the way. People make time for who they want to see.

3. He Likes You the Most, but there are Others: "It's not cheating, if you're not in a relationship right?" He likes you the best, but he needs to be sure there isn't anyone better out there. Unfortunately, our society has socialized us to always look for the next best thing. This is an unhealthy idea to bring to dating, but both men and women do it nonetheless. Talk to him about how you feel. He may say, "I like you, but I just want to explore my options." Often, the way to handle a situation like this is to casually date other men and be as open about it as he is about dating other women. If he starts getting agitated, explain to him you want to be with him, but he has been busy exploring his options. His reaction will let you know whether you should keep exploring your options too or not.

***Remember not to nag! Try to discuss the situation in a light-hearted way or someone else may start looking like a better option than you.

These are just a few reasons he may be treating you like you are in a relationship with him without actually referring to you as his girlfriend. Clear communication is key in determining whether you are wasting time or if you just need a little patience. Refusal to communicate or trivial excuses can be a strong signal you are wasting time.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight

Having Perseverance on Your Journey to Love

[caption id="attachment_2909" align="aligncenter" width="595"] Photo Credit: www.worth1000.com[/caption]

Sometimes finding love takes a long time. It stinks not knowing when it is going to happen, but you have to have  perseverance and remain confident enough to know it will happen. Don't let your enthusiasm waiver and don't compare your journey to love to your friends'. Everyone's journey is their own.

This post is inspired by four One on One Matchmaking clients who were engaged last month. One of the female clients met her fiancé on her 1st  date and the other met her fiancé on her 15th date. You never know when it's going to happen, but as long as you are trying, it will!

Think of finding a life partner as finding your dream job. You are going to go on lots of interviews and not a get a few of the jobs. Of the jobs you do get, you are not going to love them all, so you will leave...until you find the job that seems like the perfect fit and worth staying at forever.

Don't get discouraged when budding relationships end. Be happy you have an opportunity to find something better.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

The Reason She Says She is "Just Looking for Friends"

[caption id="attachment_2904" align="aligncenter" width="595"] Photo Credit: gatewayoflife.wordpress.com[/caption]

Lately, it seems we have been getting more and more men complaining about women at singles events, meant for meeting someone to date, claiming they are there to "make friends." We're going to give it to you straight fellas. She is there to make friends, when it comes to YOU. That doesn't mean she isn't looking for a relationship...especially, if she is at a singles event meant to help her find one.

This is a nice way of saying she isn't interested. We always encourage women to be honest when they are not interested in a guy, but sometimes they just don't have it in them to tell you.

This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. You just may not be her type. Move on to a woman who is looking for a relationship...with someone like you.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Are You Living Up to Your Personal Brand?

[caption id="attachment_2897" align="aligncenter" width="550"] Photo Credit: www.kenburkey.com[/caption]

You might be asking yourself, "What's a personal brand?" A personal brand  is one line of key traits that embodies who you are. This idea was developed by Rachel Greenwalt in her book, "Find a Husband After 35." Coming up with this line is tough because of how complex our personalities can be, but your personal brand should highlight your best qualities. After people come in contact with you, they should always leave you or your online profile knowing your most interesting traits.

For instance, let's say your favorite traits about yourself are that you are world-traveler,  health enthusiast, and golfer. On your online  dating profile your byline would be "World-traveling, health enthusiast, golfer." This is just an example. You can pick any three traits for this, but be mindful about wording, because your photos and words are the only way people decide if they want to talk to you online. Express your personal brand through photos by posting pictures of yourself on your travels or while on the golf course. You should always reinforce your brand in some way.

In person, your personal brand should be used like a commercial. As you talk to someone you are interested in, sprinkle in your personal brand. Don't blurt it at random, but as the different parts of your brand fit the conversation. If the topic of traveling comes up, be sure to state some of the exotic locations you have been to. If you discuss things you do for fun, talk about your love for golf and how much fun it was playing last weekend. Talking about food? Be sure to highlight how much you love food and enjoy coming up with fun ways to make healthy dishes taste great. Don't feel pressure to mention every part of your brand, but try to do so, when it makes sense.

The easiest way to share your brand without being awkward, is to have something to say, when people ask you tell them about yourself. You should already know how you would answer this question. Remember, you want the person to leave knowing  your favorite traits about yourself. Tell them enough to get them interested in getting to know more about you.

To learn more about personal branding and how to create your personal brand take a peek at "Find a Husband After 35" by Rachel Greenwalt. Don't let the title deter you. There are great ideas for how to market yourself in the dating world for people of all ages and many of the tips are applicable to men as well.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Is the Person I'm Dating Relationship Material?

 

Wondering if someone is relationship material, after going on several casual dates, is common. The question is what is it that makes someone relationship material? Today we're going to give you four key points to help you determine whether or not your sweetie is just for fun or in for the long haul.

1. The person does NOT say, "I don't want a relationship"- If  someone tells you he or she does not want a relationship, believe them.  You can't put what you want on the back burner and hope he or she will eventually want the same thing. You are much more likely to develop a serious relationship with someone who is on the same page as you. Of course, there are always exceptions, but don't put all your hope into someone who has already told you they don't want what you want.

2. He or she let's you into their world- Anyone who let's you get to know close friends or family, especially, probably wants to keep you around for a while. Also, doing routine activities like exercising together is a good sign, because you are now part of their routine. Someone who isn't relationship material will be secretive of their personal life. Often, they will  keep you separate from all aspects of their life, including friends, family and most of their routine activities. If you only see your sweetie on the weekends, when they have nothing else going on, you are not dealing with someone who is ready for a relationship with you.

3. They are NOT the "me, me, me" type- People who care only about themselves are not relationship material. This doesn't mean that they will never find their match, but they need to go through more life experience and have a few revelations about what it means to be in a relationship, before you or anyone enters a relationship with them. Trying to make a  relationship work with someone like this will be exhausting and emotionally depleting. These types of people do not reciprocate emotional support, which is important for a healthy relationship.

4. He or she communicates well- Poor communication can ruin a relationship. Gauge the communication skills of the person you are dating, before entering in a relationship with them. Do they just pop up without asking if you are available? Do they cancel plans randomly? If they are in a bad mood, do they talk to you about what's bothering them or do they lash out? These are all things you should think about.  Not communicating properly about plans or emotions can wear heavily on both you and your relationship.

We hope these tips are useful and that your current sweetie is in it for the long haul!

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Let's Reminisce....RiRa Happy Hour!

Last Thursday, Oct 3, our One on One and Eight at Eight Atlanta singles took over the newly renovated RiRa Irish Pub. More than 100 professional singles had the opportunity to mingle  and connect.  We appreciate everyone coming out and looking great!

The office was excited to see lots of emails come through this morning with connection requests!

Below are a few photos for attendees to reminisce over. If you didn't make it, take a look at what you missed!






[caption id="attachment_2884" align="alignnone" width="595"] Matchmaker Lindsay looking for connections to make.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_2882" align="alignnone" width="595"] Matchmakers Carrie and Alicia greeting the sexy singles[/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_2877" align="alignnone" width="595"] Of course, President Sarah Kathryn Smith (middle) couldn't miss the fun![/caption]

 

Be sure to keep a look out for our next event.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

He's Too Nice- The Reason You're Wrong

[caption id="attachment_2872" align="aligncenter" width="576"] photo credit: ironshrink.com[/caption]

 

"He's too nice" is such a frustrating sentence. What makes a man or anyone too nice? Is that even really possible?

The reason you're likely wrong about him?

You probably only date "bad boys" (not on purpose):

Most women have been guilty of dating bad boys at some point. A select few never learn how to stop being attracted to them. These men  know how to attract women easily. They know what to say and when to say it. It's not easy to turn down their charming smiles and ability to keep you intrigued, while maintaining a bit of mystery. You have to learn how to look past the smile and hear what a man is really saying, not what you want to hear.

Nice guys are simply foreign to you.  You have to get used to them, if you ever want to date someone who will treat you well.  Think about what your idea of what a man is. If the man pursuing you encompasses all the traits you associate with what man is supposed to be, but he compliments you too much or he is always opening your door or offering to carry things, ask yourself "Why don't I deserve these things?"

That's right. Why don't you deserve someone who compliments you often? Why don't you deserve someone who wants to be a gentleman for you? If you come to the conclusion you deserve these things, let nice men date you and stop complaining about their acts of kindness.

If you feel there is something in your past that keeps you going back to the wrong types of men, consider date coaching to help you break this pattern.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

What to Do During a Dating Drought

[caption id="attachment_2847" align="aligncenter" width="560"] photo credit: Allthatglittersbook.com[/caption]

When you don't work with a professional matchmaker or dating service, you're almost ALWAYS going to have a dating drought. One day it's raining men or women and the next day it feels like the pickings are slim. It may be frustrating, but use this time to prepare for when you are busy dating again.

Do things that you have been meaning to get to and try things that you haven't had time to try. In the process, you will likely stumble across more people to date. Take this time to grow, learn about yourself, and refine what type of person you are looking for.

Dating droughts can be tough, but sitting at home and pouting about it isn't going to get you any more good dating leads. If you are a man looking for a woman, go to where the women are. Take up a cooking class or maybe even a painting class. Ladies, Mr. Right probably isn't at your best girl friend's house. Suggest that you and your friends go to something fun, yet guy-friendly, like a local festival. Beer festivals are especially good at drawing out the men.

These are just a few ideas to get you to have fun during a dating drought, while still putting yourself out there. "The one" is out there, you just have to meet them!

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

*Ask us about our national date coaching program- 888-897-8285, coaching@1on1matchmaking.com.

Fresh Dating Tips from Our President

For the Most Eligible Atlantans issue, Jezebel Magazine reached out to our President, Sarah Kathryn Smith, for dating advice that was a little different from the generic tips.  Click the images below to read her interesting dating pointers. (She even tells you how to ask for a second date in a way that is hard to resist!)

[caption id="attachment_2825" align="alignnone" width="491"] One on One Matchmaking's President Sarah Kathryn Smith gives her best dating tips to Jezebel Magazine.[/caption]

 

When to Make Your Move

[caption id="attachment_2811" align="aligncenter" width="536"] Photo Credit: http://keepcalmstudio.com[/caption]

Approaching an attractive stranger can be nerve-wracking no matter how much confidence you have. Knowing what cues to take can make approaching someone a little easier. Traditionally, women do not approach men, but times are changing! The tips we are going to share today can help both men and women.

The easiest way to approach someone is to get them to notice you first. Abruptly approaching someone may work for some people, but it is easier to gauge interest, if you have already been noticed.

For example, if you are grocery shopping say, "Excuse me" and reach in front of the person you want to approach. Give a little smile and look at some other items to give them time to react. If you catch them glancing at you (especially with a smile), you have got them where you want them! Make your move and strike up a conversation. Do not forget to make some light-hearted jokes and seal the deal by getting their number.

Another stress-free way to to make your move is by asking for help. This could be applied to most scenarios. For example, go to a new park and ask for help finding the walking or running trail. Most people are friendly about helping others find things, so this makes for a relaxed way to ease into a conversation. Make your move and ask if the person you are interested in would like to go on the trail with you some time. 

Making your move does not have to be scary. Always keep in mind that dating is a numbers game. The fear of rejection will hinder your success. The more moves you make the more dates you will land and the more dates you land the more likely you are to find love.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

The One on One Team Wants to Meet You!

 

Starting Friday, Sept 6, One on One Matchmaking is hosting an open house every Friday! Prospective members are welcome to come meet the team and get their matchmaking questions answered, during open house hours.

Stop by our office any Friday between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. for wine, cheese, laughs and love.

[caption id="attachment_2803" align="aligncenter" width="120"] One on One Founder: Sarah Kathryn Smith[/caption]

We look forward to meeting you!

-The One on One Team

 

Breaking Bad Dating Patterns

[caption id="attachment_2796" align="aligncenter" width="595"] Break Bad Dating Patterns to Start Making Better Choices[/caption]

Do you find yourself always dating the wrong woman or wrong man? You likely have a dating pattern that needs to be broken.

Sometimes, because people come in different shapes and sizes, we are tricked into thinking they are different from our previous partners. This is not always the case.  You may be dating someone who is more nerdy than the ultra-suave man you dated before, but he is still emotionally unavailable. Maybe you tried to date a woman who was a teacher because you thought she would be more nurturing than your corporate ex, but she still seems too busy for you. The reason it seems like "they're all the same" is because, subconsciously, you are picking the same types of people to date.

Make a list of your past 4 relationships, then list the first 3 qualities you liked and disliked about them that pop into your head. You will soon be able to see a pattern. If the pattern is you date women who are not nurturing, ask qualifying questions as you are getting to know your potential partner. For instance, "I love a good home-cooked meal. Do you like to cook?" You could also try the playful approach. "I'm terrible, when I'm sick. Are you a good nurse?" Judge her responses to your questions to decide whether or not she will be the type of nurturing woman you desire.

Figuring out men is a little more difficult. The easiest way to judge them is by their actions. If your pattern is dating men who are emotionally unavailable, be wary of men who make excuses for not showing more emotion or refuse to open up about their personal lives. Not knowing much about him after several dates is usually a sign he is not willing to open up and he is emotionally unavailable. Read more about emotionally unavailable men here.

Dating patterns are often caused by experiences we have had in our lives. Breaking extreme patterns like only dating addicts or emotionally abusive people may require professional help from a counselor.

These are just two examples of possible bad dating patterns, but your pattern may be different. A dating coach is a great resource to help you identify and break dating patterns that are negatively impacting your dating life. One on One Matchmaking offers a national date coaching program. Email coaching@1on1matchmaking.com or call 888-897-8285 to learn more.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

How to Pick the Right Deal Breakers

[caption id="attachment_2788" align="aligncenter" width="595"] Some deal breakers really are this silly![/caption]

We talked a bit about broadening your horizons  a few posts ago, but sometimes it is necessary to have a few deal breakers. Deal breakers should only be things that you absolutely can't do with out. If it's fixable, it shouldn't be a deal breaker.

For instance, if the person you have your eye on has yellow teeth, that can be fixed easily. Say the person you're interested in is slightly heavier than you'd like, dropping 10 pounds is simple. You two could even bond by exercising and cooking healthy meals together. Don't miss out on someone great because of something minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

When you're looking for a life partner, deal breakers should be things that will impact your life, like someone with horrible credit that could keep you two from getting a home for the next 7 years , or someone who is a habitual liar and keeps you wondering about what is true. Your partner having untoned arms and not being tanned enough are not things that will actually affect your life together.

*Having reasonable deal breakers is especially important for singles looking to have children. You should be looking for someone who will be a great parent to your future child not a model to parade around or an ATM.

Bottom Line

Our advice is to have 3, maybe 5, deal breakers max. When picking deal breakers, make sure they are things that could potentially affect your life and are not easily fixable. Always try to look at the positive side and negative side of the person you are interested in dating. Having 27 out of the 30 qualities you're looking for may outweigh one of your deal breakers.

Good luck and remember to keep those deal breakers reasonable,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Tips for Shifting Your Energy- For Masculine Women and Feminine Men

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Are you a woman who struggles with having masculine energy or a man who struggles with feminine energy? Don't worry shifting your energy will be easy with our tips.

For Masculine Women

At work, utilizing masculine energy is sometimes necessary. The trick is knowing how to turn it off. If you want a powerful man, you have to know how to allow him to be powerful. Two people can't wear the pants in the relationship. Being overly aggressive and always taking the lead can be a turnoff for some men. Men like to feel needed. Allow him to do things for you and learn how to appreciate compliments. Let him open your door, carry heavy things for you, or guide you through a crowd.

In a conversation, don't only talk about yourself and your success at work. Show genuine interest by asking him questions about himself and smiling as he answers, when appropriate. For instance, if he says he loves to cook, smile and say, "I bet you're quite the chef!" Complimenting your date can soften you quite a bit, so try to sprinkle a few compliments in throughout your date. Men love to feel strong and smart, so play up those qualities in him.

If you want to see him again, laugh at his jokes and let him know you're having a great time. Letting him know you're enjoying yourself will boost his confidence and make asking you for a second date much easier.

***Please note you do not have to be completely submissive to be feminine. Play your role in the relationship and let him play his. Let him pay, let him fix things for you, let him give you advice (when he has experience), and let him give you gifts. Let him be a man!

For Men

It's easy to have feminine ways and not be aware of it, but if someone points it out, compare yourself to your female friends and your male friends. Do you find yourself saying things that more of your female friends say, rather than what your male friends say? Saying, "My BFF," "OMG," or talking about how a woman's shoes don't go with her outfit can come across as feminine. Most heterosexual men don't say "BFF" or "OMG" and they certainly don't care about a woman's outfit, besides to say she looks great. Be wary of picking up habits from your female friends, if you have a lot of them.

You'll also need to set yourself apart from women, if you want to seem more masculine. Having lots of money is no longer an automatic plus for you. Women can make their own money and sometimes they may make more than you do. Pick up a masculine hobby fixing cars, playing recreational sports or carpentry. Hearing you talk about working on engines or golfing with the guys will put a masculine image of you in her head.

Last but not least, don't take being metro-sexual too far. Getting your eyebrows groomed so that they won't be unruly is different from getting them arched. Getting a manicure or pedicure for grooming purposes is different from getting your nails painted. Think about this in the way you walk, talk, dress and behave.

Until next time, good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Broaden Your Horizons a Little, Improve Your Chances A Lot

 

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If you have a very specific idea of what your partner will look like, chances are you're keeping yourself from finding Mr. or Mrs. Right! Remember, no one is perfect. If you're looking for the perfect person, you will always end up disappointed because a flaw or two will eventually surface.

Does she really have to have blonde hair because you've always dated blondes? Try going on a date with a brunette you may have a great time! Does your partner absolutely have to be the same ethnicity as you? If she has 99 of your 100 must-haves, you shouldn't let lack of experience dating outside of your ethnicity deter you from dating her.

Height is another area in which you can broaden your horizons. One of our matchmakers never dated a guy under 6'1". She met a great guy who was 5'9". Reluctantly, she went on a date with him because he had everything she was looking for.  They are now madly in love! You never know what package the love of your life is going to come in. Don't be afraid to date someone who is not your usual type. You're still single, obviously, your type needs some tweaking!

Go on a date with someone you usually wouldn't go for. You just may end up in love.

Until next time, good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

 

I'm Getting Mixed Signals

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Mixed signals affect both sides negatively. The person giving them doesn't get his or her true feelings across and the person receiving them becomes lost and confused in the relationship.

Both men and women are guilty of giving mixed signals, but why? Often, they do enjoy time with the other person, but don't see a serious relationship being sustainable with the other person. In this instance, mixed signals are the result of trying to be kind, but not knowing how to break things off without losing a good friend. The mixed signals could also be an attempt to keep you around, until someone else better comes along. Some people have difficulty being alone and hop from relationship to relationship.

Mixed signals are not always intentional or meant to just keep you around. Many singles think they are ready for a serious relationship and when things start becoming more serious they get cold feet. This doesn't mean they don't want to be with you or they are waiting for someone better. Things may just be going too fast for them, leading to odd behavior. This is why communication in relationships is so important. Communicate with your partner regularly to make sure you are both comfortable with each big step in your relationship.  As you begin staying over several nights a week, gaining your own area in the closet, meeting family, and planning vacations together make sure the pace at which all of these things are happening is comfortable for both of you.

If you suspect your partner's mixed signals are telling you they may not be as into your relationship as you are, talk about it. Point out why you think you are getting mixed signals and how they are making you feel. The person giving the mixed signals is the only one who can set them straight. Speculating will only drive you crazy.

More on Mixed Signals

http://www.practicalhappiness.com/mixed-signals-from-women/

http://www.examiner.com/article/why-men-give-mixed-signals

Until next time, good luck,

One on One ad Eight at Eight

Are we exclusive?

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Are we exclusive? Exclusivity is a topic that swirls around the heads of men and women alike, when they start gaining feelings for the person they've been dating. It's important not to bring up exclusivity too soon and that you don't behave as if you are exclusive, before you know how the other person feels. Acting like you're exclusive too soon can make you seem desperate and clingy. Don't invite them to dinner with your parents after one date!

We have clients who are so smitten, after a few dates, they want to stop going on dates with other clients. This is great, but only if both parties have decided to only date one another. You can't stop your dating life because you met someone who seems great. You have to know the person you have met believes you are equally great too! If the person you stopped dating for starts dating someone else exclusively, it could seriously damage your dating confidence. Don't stop dating casually, until you know the person you're dating isn't seeing anyone else.

Going on three dates is a good start, but that doesn't mean you're in an exclusive relationship. Have you met his or her friends? Has the person you're dating slipped in any lines about plans for something coming up in a few months? If not, you're likely not exclusive and you should be comfortable going on dates with other people. You never know when you are going to find The One.

When should we talk about exclusivity?

If you have been dating for more than a month and spending lots of time together, every weekend and maybe a few week days, it's safe to start pondering over exclusivity. It's also a good idea to think about becoming exclusive if you have met friends or family. Bring it up in a playful way at first to gauge the reaction of your partner. If you get an awkward or negative reaction, it's not time to have "the talk." If you get a positive, playful reaction, see where the conversation goes. If it fizzles, that's okay. You've put the topic of exclusivity on your partners radar. Bring it up  in a less playful, but casual way a week or two later.

Askmen.com has an interesting scenario of how exclusivity comes about: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/38_dating_girl.html

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

3 Reasons Friends with Benefits Won't Become More

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A lot of people, usually women, wonder how to make friends with benefits (FWBs) become a relationship. This just generally isn't a good idea, unless you are both looking for a relationship, which well....isn't a friends with benefits situation!

We're going to give you 3 reasons why this won't turn into a relationship.

1. Poor Foundation- When two people are intimate for a long time, naturally one of them may become interested in something more. Unfortunately, most FWBs are not built on a good foundation for a relationship. Friends with benefits normally have a good amount of physical attraction, but don't delve into the emotional side of their relationship. You may be turned on physically by your "friend," but that doesn't mean that they have any qualities you connect with enough to sustain a serious relationship.

2. You've Objectified Each Other- You see each other as intimate objects.  He or she is something to go to when you have a need and to walk away from when you have gotten what you want. Taking this mentality into a relationship is a bad idea. Relationships are complex and you must be able to be patient with your partner. You may not get exactly what you want from them, the way you want it or when you want it.

3. You Both Came in Wanting One Thing- You suddenly having feelings towards your "friend" will not spark something in them that makes them want a relationship. Explain how you are feeling to your FWB, but do not be surprised if the feeling isn't mutual. Go find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, not your body.

*There are rare instances in which both people secretly wanted a relationship and go on to have thriving relationships. Don't count on this, but if your feelings are so strong you can't bare to only be FWBs, tell them how you feel. You may lose your FWB, but you don't want to get hurt emotionally, by continuing to be in an FWB situation you wish could be more.

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Find Something You Love, Find Someone to Love

[caption id="attachment_2747" align="aligncenter" width="300"] The One on One Mascot, Dee![/caption]

If you find something you love, you will find someone to love.  Finding love is so much easier when you are interested in other things, besides finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Usually, our clients who hit it off the best have things in common. They both like to run, they both like to cook, they both are obsessed with dogs, etc.

The more activities you participate in, the more interesting you will become as a person. Maybe you'll come across someone who has always wanted to try something that you love to do. Now you can bond with that person, while teaching them how to do it. The same goes for being open to doing more things. Try something new every week or two. You are sure to have something interesting to talk about, even if you didn't like it as much as you hoped you would. You may even stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right in the process. Everyone wants to be with someone who seems like they are enjoying life!

Set a goal for yourself to never go more than three weeks without trying something new and see what happens. It doesn't have to be a new activity. It could be a park, new restaurant, or new hiking trail. The point is to broaden what you can talk about and add depth to your experiences.

This post comes as inspiration from the One on One team's time at the 10k Peachtree Road Race. The team cheered on 60,000 runners for the 4th of July! The interesting part is that there were 49 percent men running and 51 percent women running. That is almost equal parts men and women. Oh the matches we could make! Of course, not all of them were single. There were several of couples, doing what they love together, running. Enjoy photos from the race below!

 

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight