Photo credit: www.womensday.com[/caption]Is the guy you are dating treating you like you are in a relationship, but does not want to give you the title? There are a few possible reasons for this.
1. He's Not that into You: "Wait, he calls me and takes me out all the time!" That's great, but it's probably because you are always available and he's bored. Make yourself a little less available and pay attention to how he reacts. If he doesn't use a little effort to speak to you or see you, he was using you to avoid boredom. If he actually tries to work with your "schedule," congratulations! You are more than a time killer. He's into you. If he is still introducing you as a friend months into dating, talk to him about how it makes you feel. Have you two had "the talk" to clarify your relationship? It's time.
2. He Has Commitment Issues: In this case, he likes you, but he is afraid to commit for some reason. To figure out the difference between commitment issues and him not being into you, ask him questions. Don't be whiny about it, but figure out where his head is. If he says something along the lines of, "I like you, but I'm just not ready for a serious relationship," you will need to decide if he is worth waiting for. Be sure to get to the bottom of why he doesn't feel ready. If he is fresh out of a long-term relationship, he may really need time. If he hasn't been in a serious relationship in a while, he may just have commitment issues...red flag!
This is especially a red flag, if he always has an excuse for not wanting a relationship. The worst excuse is "I'm too busy." There has only been one unwed U.S. president. It's safe to assume the presidents were busy trying to get the experience they needed to one day rule the free world, but they still had time to date and find a wife along the way. People make time for who they want to see.
3. He Likes You the Most, but there are Others: "It's not cheating, if you're not in a relationship right?" He likes you the best, but he needs to be sure there isn't anyone better out there. Unfortunately, our society has socialized us to always look for the next best thing. This is an unhealthy idea to bring to dating, but both men and women do it nonetheless. Talk to him about how you feel. He may say, "I like you, but I just want to explore my options." Often, the way to handle a situation like this is to casually date other men and be as open about it as he is about dating other women. If he starts getting agitated, explain to him you want to be with him, but he has been busy exploring his options. His reaction will let you know whether you should keep exploring your options too or not.
***Remember not to nag! Try to discuss the situation in a light-hearted way or someone else may start looking like a better option than you.
These are just a few reasons he may be treating you like you are in a relationship with him without actually referring to you as his girlfriend. Clear communication is key in determining whether you are wasting time or if you just need a little patience. Refusal to communicate or trivial excuses can be a strong signal you are wasting time.
Until next time, good luck!
One on One and Eight at Eight
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