Are you too busy?

In today's world, it can be really easy to get bogged down with work meetings, family appointments, working out, taking care of the dogs, your house, etc. How are you supposed to fit anything in?  This can be some tough news for some of you guys, but you may just be too busy to date.  One of our favorite clients here at 1 on 1 Matchmaking came in to talk to us today because he found a great girl! She's funny, intelligent, adventurous... all the things he's been looking for but there's a final deal breaker: she's just TOO BUSY!  She can't schedule another date with him for more than two weeks. It doesn't make her any less great than she is.. it just means that she's too busy to invest in a relationship in her life.  Our great bachelor is choosing to look ahead-- for someone else who has all those great things AND the ability to invest in someone romantically.

Schedules do change.  Some months will be busier than others, and that's okay!  If you find that you don't have the time right now, just make sure that you are proactive in finding time when your schedule calms down.



Just some things to consider:

Are you setting unrealistic expectations on yourself and your schedule to date?

If you were to be completely honest with yourself, do you actually have the time right now to build a relationship?

Happy Friday!

The weather feels great and there is definitely love in the air.  If you're planning your wedding and need some money saving tips- read here!



It's 20 Dazzling Real Weddings for $8,000 and Under! I really like the idea of a smaller wedding and then throwing a large reception later.  Read about some other great ideas on keeping the costs low! My favorite include romantic, mountain getaways and a spectacular elopement!

Apathy

One of our matchmakers, Jennifer, recently attended a dating seminar hosted by Dr. Janet Page- a very well-respected relationship therapist in Atlanta who spoke about the dangers of apathy.

Apathy: a state of indifference; suppression of feelings of excitement, passion, and motivation.

In your personal life, apathy may look like this:  you want to lose weight, stick to a diet plan for two weeks and then fall of the regiment. Or you are serious about getting your financials in check this week, but as soon as that sale hits you've forgotten about your budget.  If you're 100% committed, your lifestyle will resemble that... Your priorities, daily schedule, and life will resemble what you care about.

But what does apathy look like in your dating life?  You're where you want to be in your professional life, but fail to set aside time to actually invest in a relationship or dating service. You want to be married, but never go about doing anything to see this happen.  Maybe some of you guys hide behind the convenient work excuse, saying you're just too busy to date right now.

Caring for people is tough.  It's heavy stuff.  At some points, you may face rejection and it will suck.  But, Jennifer leaves this thought with us, "As someone who has done it ( I literally went on more than 100 dates).  I promise you it's worth it when you find it.  I am not lonely.  I have found my partner in life, someone that cares about me, as much as I do myself, someone to help me strive to be better, to keep myself in check, someone to tackle financial burdens with, someone to, God willing, raise a family with. Life is better with a partner.  It keeps you from just going through the motions. It helps you focus on the things that truly matter.  Having a partner, helps you be less apathetic in general, because you have someone to check in with, someone to go through it with you."

So, if you're reading this and finding that you're identifying with a little bit more of the message than you've hoped- reflect this week. Are you truly open to finding a partner?  In what ways could you be keeping yourself from real love?

Getting engaged!

With the changing seasons comes engagement season! I love a great proposal story... This one is from www.howheasked.com and it follows Megan and Jonh's special day.



Read his thoughtful proposal here! He even made sure she was able to get her nails done beforehand!

Bad date

After our 1 on 1 clients go out on a date, they are asked to fill out a feedback form. Basic questions: how long was the date? Was there chemistry?

Well, we received this feedback from Tracy after her date with Trey.  Read what she had to say about her date with him! (Of course, the names have been changed!)

"Trey seemed like a nice guy who asked a lot of questions... He did all the rights things: letting me taste the wine, asking my thoughts on the menu, holding the door, etc.  However, it’s hard to take him seriously when he spent so much of the time talking about the other people he’s dated.  Bad first dates, crazy online dating run-ins, and flying a girl internationally on a first date.  By him sharing all this, it was really difficult for me to tell if Trey was really serious about dating, but more than that- it really made me fearful of what he would have to say about me! He had a good sense of humor, but he kinda of ruined it when he wouldn’t stop making fun of the people in the restaurant (the manager, other guests, people walking by). Whether or not he does this because he’s insecure or pretentious, it’s hard to say. He asked a lot of questions about my hobbies and interests, but next to nothing to say when I asked him. It’s a little awkward to be pressured to talk so much about myself and then get nothing back about the guy! None of that it so say it wasn’t a nice or fun date, it just means it’s a little harder to read his intentions and to consider him as someone I’d seriously date."

No one wants to date someone who is that critical on a first date! Leave the bad date stories at home. Sharing crazy dating stories can bring up a lot more questions about you than you may realize.  Is she attracted to crazy?  Does she only like this type of man?  Am I too fillintheblank for her?  You first dates should be about getting to know the other person sincerely.  Maybe once you've established some type of connection you can bring up some horror stories but the for meantime, keep it shut! 

Forgiveness

Being able to forgive is not only a crucial part of any marriage- but necessary for all aspects of life.  The ability to move forward and to let go of past mistakes is something we all need for a happy life.  Although trials shape us into the person we're supposed to be-- holding on to arguments, disagreements, and petty misunderstandings can waste your valuable time and energy. Forgiveness can keep you healthy emotionally and physically.

Each situation is unique- It may take you some time to be able to forgive, or it may not.  Here are some things to consider if you're trying to forgive:

-If this person is close to you, be open minded.  More often than not, it was not their intention to hurt you. You may not fully understand their reasoning behind it all, but if they seem genuine: be receptive. Everyone has a different approach to apologizing and it may not be the exact way you envisioned it.  It's okay. Be open to the fact that they're apologizing.

-Be kind. Though this person may have seriously wronged you, do not use this time to list all their wrongs. It may be necessary for you to explain the way in which you were hurt, but be weary of throwing in every little mistake.

-This is not the time to seek revenge or retribution. Just because you're forgiving them, doesn't mean you're condoning their behavior. What's the best revenge?  Living a successful and happy life.

-Balance trust with wisdom. Not all people should be trusted.. If someone keeps betraying your trust, then they're probably not someone worthy of your trust. Use your wisdom in order to not repeat these things in the future.

-Lastly when the time comes, think about other things and move on. Which means: Stop talking about it. I've had plenty of friends who retell, retell, and retell the same story. I've even been this person.  Every time that you/they finish the conversation, it's always with "I'm just so over it." Then another 15 minutes of talking.  Cut it out! Stop talking about it and it'll help you move forward, which is ultimately what you want.

For me, I had to learn how to forgive- truly letting go of the past.  Everyone makes mistakes.  She may have messed up this time... He may have forgot about dinner plans.. Next week, it could be you apologizing.  Stand up for yourself, but know which situations are worth your time and effort and which ones are not.