I'm Getting Mixed Signals

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Mixed signals affect both sides negatively. The person giving them doesn't get his or her true feelings across and the person receiving them becomes lost and confused in the relationship.

Both men and women are guilty of giving mixed signals, but why? Often, they do enjoy time with the other person, but don't see a serious relationship being sustainable with the other person. In this instance, mixed signals are the result of trying to be kind, but not knowing how to break things off without losing a good friend. The mixed signals could also be an attempt to keep you around, until someone else better comes along. Some people have difficulty being alone and hop from relationship to relationship.

Mixed signals are not always intentional or meant to just keep you around. Many singles think they are ready for a serious relationship and when things start becoming more serious they get cold feet. This doesn't mean they don't want to be with you or they are waiting for someone better. Things may just be going too fast for them, leading to odd behavior. This is why communication in relationships is so important. Communicate with your partner regularly to make sure you are both comfortable with each big step in your relationship.  As you begin staying over several nights a week, gaining your own area in the closet, meeting family, and planning vacations together make sure the pace at which all of these things are happening is comfortable for both of you.

If you suspect your partner's mixed signals are telling you they may not be as into your relationship as you are, talk about it. Point out why you think you are getting mixed signals and how they are making you feel. The person giving the mixed signals is the only one who can set them straight. Speculating will only drive you crazy.

More on Mixed Signals

http://www.practicalhappiness.com/mixed-signals-from-women/

http://www.examiner.com/article/why-men-give-mixed-signals

Until next time, good luck,

One on One ad Eight at Eight

Are we exclusive?

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Are we exclusive? Exclusivity is a topic that swirls around the heads of men and women alike, when they start gaining feelings for the person they've been dating. It's important not to bring up exclusivity too soon and that you don't behave as if you are exclusive, before you know how the other person feels. Acting like you're exclusive too soon can make you seem desperate and clingy. Don't invite them to dinner with your parents after one date!

We have clients who are so smitten, after a few dates, they want to stop going on dates with other clients. This is great, but only if both parties have decided to only date one another. You can't stop your dating life because you met someone who seems great. You have to know the person you have met believes you are equally great too! If the person you stopped dating for starts dating someone else exclusively, it could seriously damage your dating confidence. Don't stop dating casually, until you know the person you're dating isn't seeing anyone else.

Going on three dates is a good start, but that doesn't mean you're in an exclusive relationship. Have you met his or her friends? Has the person you're dating slipped in any lines about plans for something coming up in a few months? If not, you're likely not exclusive and you should be comfortable going on dates with other people. You never know when you are going to find The One.

When should we talk about exclusivity?

If you have been dating for more than a month and spending lots of time together, every weekend and maybe a few week days, it's safe to start pondering over exclusivity. It's also a good idea to think about becoming exclusive if you have met friends or family. Bring it up in a playful way at first to gauge the reaction of your partner. If you get an awkward or negative reaction, it's not time to have "the talk." If you get a positive, playful reaction, see where the conversation goes. If it fizzles, that's okay. You've put the topic of exclusivity on your partners radar. Bring it up  in a less playful, but casual way a week or two later.

Askmen.com has an interesting scenario of how exclusivity comes about: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/38_dating_girl.html

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

3 Reasons Friends with Benefits Won't Become More

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A lot of people, usually women, wonder how to make friends with benefits (FWBs) become a relationship. This just generally isn't a good idea, unless you are both looking for a relationship, which well....isn't a friends with benefits situation!

We're going to give you 3 reasons why this won't turn into a relationship.

1. Poor Foundation- When two people are intimate for a long time, naturally one of them may become interested in something more. Unfortunately, most FWBs are not built on a good foundation for a relationship. Friends with benefits normally have a good amount of physical attraction, but don't delve into the emotional side of their relationship. You may be turned on physically by your "friend," but that doesn't mean that they have any qualities you connect with enough to sustain a serious relationship.

2. You've Objectified Each Other- You see each other as intimate objects.  He or she is something to go to when you have a need and to walk away from when you have gotten what you want. Taking this mentality into a relationship is a bad idea. Relationships are complex and you must be able to be patient with your partner. You may not get exactly what you want from them, the way you want it or when you want it.

3. You Both Came in Wanting One Thing- You suddenly having feelings towards your "friend" will not spark something in them that makes them want a relationship. Explain how you are feeling to your FWB, but do not be surprised if the feeling isn't mutual. Go find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, not your body.

*There are rare instances in which both people secretly wanted a relationship and go on to have thriving relationships. Don't count on this, but if your feelings are so strong you can't bare to only be FWBs, tell them how you feel. You may lose your FWB, but you don't want to get hurt emotionally, by continuing to be in an FWB situation you wish could be more.

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Find Something You Love, Find Someone to Love

[caption id="attachment_2747" align="aligncenter" width="300"] The One on One Mascot, Dee![/caption]

If you find something you love, you will find someone to love.  Finding love is so much easier when you are interested in other things, besides finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Usually, our clients who hit it off the best have things in common. They both like to run, they both like to cook, they both are obsessed with dogs, etc.

The more activities you participate in, the more interesting you will become as a person. Maybe you'll come across someone who has always wanted to try something that you love to do. Now you can bond with that person, while teaching them how to do it. The same goes for being open to doing more things. Try something new every week or two. You are sure to have something interesting to talk about, even if you didn't like it as much as you hoped you would. You may even stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right in the process. Everyone wants to be with someone who seems like they are enjoying life!

Set a goal for yourself to never go more than three weeks without trying something new and see what happens. It doesn't have to be a new activity. It could be a park, new restaurant, or new hiking trail. The point is to broaden what you can talk about and add depth to your experiences.

This post comes as inspiration from the One on One team's time at the 10k Peachtree Road Race. The team cheered on 60,000 runners for the 4th of July! The interesting part is that there were 49 percent men running and 51 percent women running. That is almost equal parts men and women. Oh the matches we could make! Of course, not all of them were single. There were several of couples, doing what they love together, running. Enjoy photos from the race below!

 

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight