How a Second Date Should Differ from Your First

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You made it through the first date and she accepted your request for a second one. Way to go! Now it's time to figure out if you really have chemistry. First-date chemistry is hardly ever based on much more than physical attraction. On your second date, you both will be more comfortable and more of your true personalities will come through.

DO NOT do a dinner date again. This time do something more active so you can see more personality from your date. Dinner is similar to an interview. You're just covering basic information to make sure you want to see her again. Your second date should help you get to know if her personality fits what you want. For instance, if you are an outdoorsy guy, ask her on a date to do something like fishing or hiking, then have a nice picnic. If a love of outdoors is a trait you really want in your partner, it's better to see it, rather than her telling you she "loves the outdoors."

Taking a class together is always a fun idea, especially if she mentions an interest in something in particular. Pottery classes, cooking classes, and painting classes are all fun  to do together. When going on active dates, you're making memories and learning about each other. Is she impatient with the instructor (uh oh!)? Is she gentle with the clay? Does she put your chopping skills to shame or are you going to need to offer to do the cooking?

What you learn about her will differ based on what activity you choose, but you will still learn much more about your date by doing things with her and seeing her in a state where she doesn't feel confined to generic dinner conversation.  Active dates will allow her to learn about you too, allowing you both to determine if you are a good match.

The weekend is right around the corner. Make this date a fun one!

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

He Treats Me Like We're in a Relationship

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Is the guy you are dating treating you like you are in a relationship, but does not want to give you the title? There are a few possible reasons for this.

1. He's Not that into You: "Wait, he calls me and takes me out all the time!" That's great, but it's probably because you are always available and he's bored.  Make yourself a little less available and pay attention to how he reacts. If he doesn't use a little effort to speak to you or see you, he was using you to avoid boredom. If he actually tries to work with your "schedule," congratulations! You are more than a time killer. He's into you. If he is still introducing you as a friend months into dating, talk to him about how it makes you feel. Have you two had "the talk" to clarify your relationship? It's time.

2. He Has Commitment Issues: In this case, he likes you, but he is afraid to commit for some reason. To figure out the difference between commitment issues and him not being into you, ask him questions. Don't be whiny about it, but figure out where his head is. If he says something along the lines of, "I like you, but I'm just not ready for a serious relationship," you will need to decide if he is worth waiting for. Be sure to get to the bottom of why he doesn't feel ready. If he is fresh out of a long-term relationship, he may really need time. If he hasn't been in a serious relationship in a while, he may just have commitment issues...red flag!

This is especially a red flag, if he always has an excuse for not wanting a relationship. The worst excuse is "I'm too busy." There has only been one unwed U.S. president. It's safe to assume the presidents were busy trying to get the experience they needed to one day rule the free world, but they still had time to date and find a wife along the way. People make time for who they want to see.

3. He Likes You the Most, but there are Others: "It's not cheating, if you're not in a relationship right?" He likes you the best, but he needs to be sure there isn't anyone better out there. Unfortunately, our society has socialized us to always look for the next best thing. This is an unhealthy idea to bring to dating, but both men and women do it nonetheless. Talk to him about how you feel. He may say, "I like you, but I just want to explore my options." Often, the way to handle a situation like this is to casually date other men and be as open about it as he is about dating other women. If he starts getting agitated, explain to him you want to be with him, but he has been busy exploring his options. His reaction will let you know whether you should keep exploring your options too or not.

***Remember not to nag! Try to discuss the situation in a light-hearted way or someone else may start looking like a better option than you.

These are just a few reasons he may be treating you like you are in a relationship with him without actually referring to you as his girlfriend. Clear communication is key in determining whether you are wasting time or if you just need a little patience. Refusal to communicate or trivial excuses can be a strong signal you are wasting time.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight

Having Perseverance on Your Journey to Love

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Sometimes finding love takes a long time. It stinks not knowing when it is going to happen, but you have to have  perseverance and remain confident enough to know it will happen. Don't let your enthusiasm waiver and don't compare your journey to love to your friends'. Everyone's journey is their own.

This post is inspired by four One on One Matchmaking clients who were engaged last month. One of the female clients met her fiancé on her 1st  date and the other met her fiancé on her 15th date. You never know when it's going to happen, but as long as you are trying, it will!

Think of finding a life partner as finding your dream job. You are going to go on lots of interviews and not a get a few of the jobs. Of the jobs you do get, you are not going to love them all, so you will leave...until you find the job that seems like the perfect fit and worth staying at forever.

Don't get discouraged when budding relationships end. Be happy you have an opportunity to find something better.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight