Sidebar of appreciation: Some mornings I look around and think - wow! This is my JOB - I actually get PAID for this! Any place where pink heart balloons, questions about ideal weddings and babies, and the girlish sounds that could be mistaken for a sorority house are commonplace -- well, that is a place I belong! Lucky for me, that also describes the 8 at 8 and 1 on 1 Matchmaking office where I get to go to work every day!Last night, another cool "work" related event took place, and I took some notes on what I learned so I could share with you, my loyal readers (all 16 of you!). Dr. Janet Page, Ph.D. is a renowned relationship therapist and expert, and she came to speak and read from her new book, "Get Married This Year." It was very interesting! I thought I would share a few of my top points with you, and who knows - it may be just what you need to read. Some of these points may seem common sense, and some may be more "aha!" for you - you never know!(Again, below is my take-away from the session with Dr. Page -- you should read the book if you want the whole scoop!)
Three important things to stop doing right now:
- Stop wasting time on the WRONG person. Just stop! No further explanation needed.
- Stop relying on hope alone. Hoping is NOT a strategy for getting what you want.
- Stop retaining guilt regarding past failed relationships. You must have self-esteem and know your self-worth in order for someone else to appreciate you.The Ex-Factor
Do you have an ex (with whom you do NOT have children) that still lingers around, popping up every now and then? Yea, stop with that nonsense. It is not healthy for them and most certainly not healthy for you... so stop already.Move past "ghost relationships." If it is something you are imagining in your head, and the other person does not seem to be reciprocating, well, that's nonsense. Move on from those!
NO TIME is not a good excuse. If someone WANTS you in their life - THEY MAKE TIME. If they do not make time for you - take a hint and MOVE ALONG. All of our time is precious - so don't waste yours pining after someone who does not make you a priority. And that brings us to the next point...
You will be a priority for the RIGHT person. If you are constantly taking a backseat to their work events, or the gym, or the kickball team, or boys night out - take a hint. It will be the same way (likely worse) if you actually marry this guy.
Geography is also no excuse. If this person is THE ONE for you - ain't no mountain high enough to keep him from you ;) Truly though -- "but we live 25 minutes apart" is not going to cut it. I hate to say it again but... move on!
Before you decide in your mind that this person is "the one" and you become exclusive with him, for the love... make sure he feels the same way! Mutually exclusive = the feeling needs to be... mutual!
Another mistake so many single people make is ruling other people out too quickly. The longer your list of requirements and deal-breakers... the longer you will be single and the less likely you are to ever be satisfied and have relationship success. Learn the difference between your "pet-peeves" and your "deal-breakers." A deal-breaker should be something like... mean or reckless behavior, anger issues, alcoholism, you know -- stuff that actually MATTERS??! A deal-breaker should not be... has blue eyes, lives outside the perimeter, drives a XYZ and not an ABC - basically anything pointless and stupid silly should not be a deal-breaker! Things that could be considered a "pet-peeve" - being a neat freak, leaving his socks on the floor - will NOT "break the deal" if he is truly THE ONE!
Everyone should have a happy and quick canned response to "why are you still single" or "what happened in your last relationship" that is appropriate to spill on dates 1-3. Something like "oh he was a good person, but we just had a few different views and it was all a great learning experience for me! I am excited to be dating again!" as opposed to.... something... umm... more brutal. Save the deep, dark truth for a few months later, once he is eating out of the palm of your hand. Only THEN should you spill the gory details!
I hope you learned something from this - I know I sure did! Dr. Page's book is available online and in bookstores. The hard back price at $21.95. Cheers!
Thanks Reagan! Check out her personal blog by clicking on the link!
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