I'm Getting Mixed Signals

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Mixed signals affect both sides negatively. The person giving them doesn't get his or her true feelings across and the person receiving them becomes lost and confused in the relationship.

Both men and women are guilty of giving mixed signals, but why? Often, they do enjoy time with the other person, but don't see a serious relationship being sustainable with the other person. In this instance, mixed signals are the result of trying to be kind, but not knowing how to break things off without losing a good friend. The mixed signals could also be an attempt to keep you around, until someone else better comes along. Some people have difficulty being alone and hop from relationship to relationship.

Mixed signals are not always intentional or meant to just keep you around. Many singles think they are ready for a serious relationship and when things start becoming more serious they get cold feet. This doesn't mean they don't want to be with you or they are waiting for someone better. Things may just be going too fast for them, leading to odd behavior. This is why communication in relationships is so important. Communicate with your partner regularly to make sure you are both comfortable with each big step in your relationship.  As you begin staying over several nights a week, gaining your own area in the closet, meeting family, and planning vacations together make sure the pace at which all of these things are happening is comfortable for both of you.

If you suspect your partner's mixed signals are telling you they may not be as into your relationship as you are, talk about it. Point out why you think you are getting mixed signals and how they are making you feel. The person giving the mixed signals is the only one who can set them straight. Speculating will only drive you crazy.

More on Mixed Signals

http://www.practicalhappiness.com/mixed-signals-from-women/

http://www.examiner.com/article/why-men-give-mixed-signals

Until next time, good luck,

One on One ad Eight at Eight

Are we exclusive?

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Are we exclusive? Exclusivity is a topic that swirls around the heads of men and women alike, when they start gaining feelings for the person they've been dating. It's important not to bring up exclusivity too soon and that you don't behave as if you are exclusive, before you know how the other person feels. Acting like you're exclusive too soon can make you seem desperate and clingy. Don't invite them to dinner with your parents after one date!

We have clients who are so smitten, after a few dates, they want to stop going on dates with other clients. This is great, but only if both parties have decided to only date one another. You can't stop your dating life because you met someone who seems great. You have to know the person you have met believes you are equally great too! If the person you stopped dating for starts dating someone else exclusively, it could seriously damage your dating confidence. Don't stop dating casually, until you know the person you're dating isn't seeing anyone else.

Going on three dates is a good start, but that doesn't mean you're in an exclusive relationship. Have you met his or her friends? Has the person you're dating slipped in any lines about plans for something coming up in a few months? If not, you're likely not exclusive and you should be comfortable going on dates with other people. You never know when you are going to find The One.

When should we talk about exclusivity?

If you have been dating for more than a month and spending lots of time together, every weekend and maybe a few week days, it's safe to start pondering over exclusivity. It's also a good idea to think about becoming exclusive if you have met friends or family. Bring it up in a playful way at first to gauge the reaction of your partner. If you get an awkward or negative reaction, it's not time to have "the talk." If you get a positive, playful reaction, see where the conversation goes. If it fizzles, that's okay. You've put the topic of exclusivity on your partners radar. Bring it up  in a less playful, but casual way a week or two later.

Askmen.com has an interesting scenario of how exclusivity comes about: http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/38_dating_girl.html

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

3 Reasons Friends with Benefits Won't Become More

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A lot of people, usually women, wonder how to make friends with benefits (FWBs) become a relationship. This just generally isn't a good idea, unless you are both looking for a relationship, which well....isn't a friends with benefits situation!

We're going to give you 3 reasons why this won't turn into a relationship.

1. Poor Foundation- When two people are intimate for a long time, naturally one of them may become interested in something more. Unfortunately, most FWBs are not built on a good foundation for a relationship. Friends with benefits normally have a good amount of physical attraction, but don't delve into the emotional side of their relationship. You may be turned on physically by your "friend," but that doesn't mean that they have any qualities you connect with enough to sustain a serious relationship.

2. You've Objectified Each Other- You see each other as intimate objects.  He or she is something to go to when you have a need and to walk away from when you have gotten what you want. Taking this mentality into a relationship is a bad idea. Relationships are complex and you must be able to be patient with your partner. You may not get exactly what you want from them, the way you want it or when you want it.

3. You Both Came in Wanting One Thing- You suddenly having feelings towards your "friend" will not spark something in them that makes them want a relationship. Explain how you are feeling to your FWB, but do not be surprised if the feeling isn't mutual. Go find someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, not your body.

*There are rare instances in which both people secretly wanted a relationship and go on to have thriving relationships. Don't count on this, but if your feelings are so strong you can't bare to only be FWBs, tell them how you feel. You may lose your FWB, but you don't want to get hurt emotionally, by continuing to be in an FWB situation you wish could be more.

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Find Something You Love, Find Someone to Love

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If you find something you love, you will find someone to love.  Finding love is so much easier when you are interested in other things, besides finding Mr. or Mrs. Right. Usually, our clients who hit it off the best have things in common. They both like to run, they both like to cook, they both are obsessed with dogs, etc.

The more activities you participate in, the more interesting you will become as a person. Maybe you'll come across someone who has always wanted to try something that you love to do. Now you can bond with that person, while teaching them how to do it. The same goes for being open to doing more things. Try something new every week or two. You are sure to have something interesting to talk about, even if you didn't like it as much as you hoped you would. You may even stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right in the process. Everyone wants to be with someone who seems like they are enjoying life!

Set a goal for yourself to never go more than three weeks without trying something new and see what happens. It doesn't have to be a new activity. It could be a park, new restaurant, or new hiking trail. The point is to broaden what you can talk about and add depth to your experiences.

This post comes as inspiration from the One on One team's time at the 10k Peachtree Road Race. The team cheered on 60,000 runners for the 4th of July! The interesting part is that there were 49 percent men running and 51 percent women running. That is almost equal parts men and women. Oh the matches we could make! Of course, not all of them were single. There were several of couples, doing what they love together, running. Enjoy photos from the race below!

 

Good luck,

One on One and Eight at Eight 

3 Ways to Avoid the Friend Zone

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The friend zone is a place no man or woman wants to be, when they have feelings for someone. As a matchmaking service, we put people who are very compatible on dates all the time. When things don't spark, they normally become friends due to how compatible they are. Unfortunately, there is usually  someone in the friendship who doesn't want to be just friends.

These 3 tips will help you steer clear of the dreaded friend zone.

1. Dress the part- When you go on your date, make sure that you have sexed up your look enough that they don't want to see you as just a friend. You would not believe the number of times we hear about men and women who go on dates looking like they are stopping by to hang out with a friend. If you look like a friend, how can you expect your date to see you as anything more?

2. Flirt- Chemistry is not something that happens when you look at someone. It develops with interaction. Try an affectionate gaze, a soft brush up against the arm, or softly guiding your date by the small of her back. Don't be afraid to smile, joke, and touch your date. Sure, you can't get too touchy feely with your friends, but this is a date!


3. Don't talk about or show your attraction to someone else- If the entire time you're on the date staring at the waiter/waitress or talking about how hot your co-worker is, your date may assume you are not looking at them as more than a friend. This will push them to look at you as a friend. Make it known, that your interest is in them and not in someone else.

Remember, look the part, act the part and show them you do want a relationship...not a friend!

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight 

Ask us about our national date coaching program-  888-897-8285, coaching@1on1matchmaking.com.

She's Too Tall, He's Too Short- Height of Love?

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"He's nice, but he's too short. She's beautiful, but she's too tall." These are things we hear clients say all the time, but does love really have a height requirement?

Recently, things became even more complicated when a client commented the woman he was on a date with was too short. Could she not put on a tall pair of heels to solve this issue? Sometimes both men and women have an illusion of what their ideal partner will look like. This illusion keeps them from finding the one who is truly for them.

The desire for a taller woman is not usually the norm. Most men who date through One on One or Eight at Eight request to be matched with shorter women. A psychological study shared by www.nature.com suggests that the desire for shorter women is linked to a subconscious preference for less powerful women. This is just one possible explanation, but scientists are not 100 percent sure where the preference comes from. That being said, if the woman is not half a foot taller than you and she is a beautiful all-around great woman, why not give it a shot to see if any chemistry develops?

Women are the worst, when it comes to height requirements. If you're 5'5" does he really have to be 6 feet tall? A guy who is caring, supportive and stable with a great personality is what you really want. Date the 5'7" awesome guy and just wear flats. Remember, you will ideally be with your husband for the rest of your life. A tall jerk is not something you should settle for. Of course, there are nice tall men too, but the average height for a man is 5'9" according to the Huffington Post. The odds are your perfect match will not be a giant hunk of man, but an average height hunk of man who is above average in every other way.

Start bending on your height requirements and see how much the quality of the people you date improves.

Until next time, good luck!

Eight at Eight and One on One

Ask us about our national date coaching program-  888-897-8285, coaching@1on1matchmaking.com.

3 Ways to Let Your Money Speak for Itself

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We will get to the ways you can let your money speak for itself in a moment.

First, you should know talking about money is NOT a turn on! Especially, if you're dating someone who has their own financial wealth.

Whether you're a man or a woman, when you run your mouth talking about how much money you have during your date, it is just not sexy. It makes you seem classless and arrogant. The only person who would enjoy listening to how much money you have is someone who wants you for your money. DUH! Instead you should let your money speak for itself.

*These examples can be used for both men and women, but men are the most common offenders in the crime of money boasting, so they are directed at men. Many of the men we are in contact with get negative feedback for boasting about their wealth too much.

1. Do dinner somewhere nice- If you're already at a five star restaurant and you order a three-course meal, I think she gets the point fellas. You don't have to talk about how much money you've got in the bank or how you dropped a million dollars on your new yacht, especially if you don't know her well. For all you know she could have more millions than you do. It's a new day and age. Women who have their own businesses can easily stand up against men, when it comes to income and there are many of them.

2. Make sure she sees your car- Don't talk about your awesome car. Offer to pick her up. When she sees you in your Lamborghini, she'll get it. You have money. Even if she gushes over your nice car, whatever kind of car you may have, don't indulge in sharing how much it cost, how much every single upgrade was, or how much you spent on having custom seats made. Now that you've shown her what you can afford, she will equate that with you having money.

3. Show it in your clothes and accessories-The way you dress can definitely make you appear more wealthy than you actually are. More and more men are becoming more fashionable, but chances are your lady is way ahead of you. She will recognize the custom suit you have on is expensive. If you go on a few casual dates and only wear the most expensive brands, she will recognize them for their notable features. You may not know much about fashion, if that's the case there are all kinds of resources to help you get your look together.

Try picking up a men's fashion magazine like GQ Magazine, getting a stylist, personal shopper, or Googling "men's fashion" to get ideas.

Those are your three tips on making your money speak. Really, you should not use your money as a crutch to get anyone to be more interested in you. In the long run, the person who comes in your life not knowing how much money you make will be the one who is the most genuine.

Until next time, good luck!

One on One and Eight at Eight